Praying for Each Other

Please pray for the release of my anger, bitterness, anxiety and depression.  I have been a christian since 1977 but have had so many bad experiences that I have learned not to trust Christians. I started and stopped going to church many times because I didn't feel accepted. I am just not the kind of christian that churches want and also I sense that most Christians feel uncomfortable around me.  

On the bright side I have developed a wonderful prayer life.  On non-working days I would pray up to eight hours a day.  On workdays I prayed up to 3 to 4 hours.  Now that I am retired everyday is a weekend! I can pray upto 8 hours.  Retirement has been truly wonderful.

I have the desire but don't have the strength nor courage to start attending church again. It's too tiring, I am too intimidated, nervous, dispirited, disheartened, despairing, hopeless, unnerved, demoralized, embarrassed, overwhelmed emotionally and afraid to try attending again and it's very depressing not being able to fit in.

Inspite of all that, I do thank God everyday I have a good support system. I have my earthly family in Arizona, my former work family that I still keep in contact with, and my substitute family here in California. All of them are non-Christians but a huge, huge blessing in my life.  Please also pray that they will be saved.

And last, I lost my mother on September 12th. It's been an overwhelming loss for me. Even though I prayed for her everyday since November 19, 1977, she died an atheist. It's the greatest emotional pain I've ever felt and that I still feel. God gave me the wonderful privilege of taking one last vacation with her before she died peacefully in her sleep one week after I left her in Phoenix and returned to Los Angeles. We spent 4 weeks driving all over Arizona and California sightseeing and visiting family. I thank him so much for that last opportunity to be with her ever again. It pains me and it will always pain me to think about what has happened to my mom but God comforts me and helps me to carry on. TC